Saturday, September 3, 2011

I AM DESTINED

 There are days when gazing up at the stars, I wonder about what I have managed to achieve in my life. Being amongst the better at any activity I take up must mean at least something, shouldn’t it? Mr. Omniscient if you may; that’s what I am, any form of discussion going on around me; I am able to add something worthwhile into it. I receive phone calls at the middle of the night; some desperately seeking my help in some physics problem, or some chemistry mystery that the callers managed to entangle themselves in, while the others being from my competitors checking up on me. I must be somebody, mustn’t I? Some call me a genius, some an intellect in its true terms. Once somebody even sarcastically remarked (I don’t know if it was sarcasm or it was flattery that I then hadn’t beheld), “What you touch literally turns into gold!”

Despite being the SCIENTIST at my school, a name which my fellow students so kindly presented me with when I was at school; or the Ph D of my college (a metaphor my friend used to first describe me when he saw what I was capable of), I still feel the need to hide my face whenever I am addressed by these titles. I’m embarrassed rather at hearing my name being eintraegt (that’s German for exaggerated; I forgot to mention I speak 6 languages); and when I’m brought into every discussion my acquaintances make regarding studies. That’s right, I am pretty damn good at studies; but I pretty much suck at everything else. I am a teenager whose teens have begun to fade away like the sun at dusk, not enjoying mind you, but doing the differential equations of n’th order, or solving integral equations or studying quantum gravitation, or the Cooper effect. Completely missed out on the point of being a teen, haven’t I?

Over many attempts at being a regular teen, I’ve learnt to accept that I can’t be one, for I wasn’t raised to be one. I know for a fact that singing isn’t my thing, my brother keeps on reminding me that he’s heard frogs croak better than when I sing; bless them and their vocal resonators. And I can’t dance. It’s not like I haven’t tried to dance; its just that my back makes creaking sounds whenever I try; if memory serves, I believe my grandfathers old rocking-chair used to do that. Friends I’ve had many, or rather worthy adversaries of my school life. These are the same people whom I looked up to throughout my schooling career, who however never paid me any heed…….. terribly annoyed I used to be then. There is one friend whom I always paid my homage to, I still do in fact; the trouble only being that my respect recipient himself has lost his path. Dreadful the situation around me I see whenever I take time of my not so busy schedule to take a glance around, my friends neck deep in their studies having sleepless nights with only two days to go for the examinations, precisely when, 10 miles from the closest man, I sit around; with nothing better to do then type whatever crap comes into my mind. I don’t regard myself superior to others because of this, which my acquaintances tend to think when they talk to me for a long time, that’s just the way I am. I can’t sing or dance, nor do I know how to party. I remember the fool I made of myself at the PEF Bd course picnic when I attempted to enjoy expressively, however short an attempt it may have been; now I’m continuously trying not to have such a venture again.

It’s not like I don’t enjoy what my friends do, I have the same hormones remember; stimulating the same systems; however I am also blessed~ or rather cursed with the power to restrain myself. There are times when I turn green with envy looking at my friends dancing the entire night; or when they exchange love quotes, hold hands in the class even in front of the teachers and talk soothing words of love to one another. At these times, I feel how nice it would have been had I also had such a “someone” with whom I can also share my thoughts. But the thing is……… finding that someone for me is like looking for a needle in the hay. Its possible one may think, but I don’t mean the regular sized haystack; but rather a barn full of them. I’d love it if somebody would have given me a gift of Lord Ganesh for a valentines day; or if I’d be having a stalker up my tail. However being me does yield its rewards every once in a while. There are also times when I feel that god has created me with love. These are the times when I’m the only one who had answered his teacher and was sitting in the class with pride when his friends are all hiding their faces; or when I am on the top of the merit list. I’m a large bit more oriented to the student side of a teenager’s life you see, while my friends are to the “All fun” ridge. If you’d meet me in person, you’d know that I don’t believe in destiny at all; but here I say so myself, I’m bound by thick paddle-locks to always remain a student, a cage that I’m shunned into, and out of which I can’t get in this lifetime. I am destined.

1 comment:

  1. Mr.Omnicient "Eintraegt" fits you :)

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